Wow, I can't believe it's been so long since I've written on my blog! The few of you who might read my blog probably think I have fallen off the planet... Well the wedding (more than a month ago) was wonderful. No mattter how hard I might've tried to prepare for the wedding... nothing could've prepared me for it. Chantelle was so happy and her smile was from the soul... I tried so hard not to cry but I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my face when she walked out of the temple... I could not contain my emotions... my heart was so full it was strange I've never felt so happy in my life... but at the same time my heart was breaking... I could hardly bear it... I got through it ok and convincingly but at the reception that is when it hit me the hardest I was fine until the daddy daughter dance and then just her and Zach... and I couldn't do it... all the pictures of us growing up... I didn't even know it was possible to feel so much pain and happiness all at once. I wasn't ready for her to get married, but thats just one of those changes in life that you have to deal with... that day is one that I'll never ever forget... and her face when she first walked out... she looked almost like an angel sent from heaven she looked perfect and I'll never forget the look on her face.
Well after the wedding I went to girls camp and had an ok time. I hated the bugs and the heat, and the fact that I was sleeping in my tent alone... But it was spiritually uplifting and I think I needed that.
My conway friends have moved on... replaced me so to say, which is how it's supposed to be when someone moves and I'm not going to push my way back in, I can accept when I'm not welcome anymore, It kinda hurt at first but thats all good... once again it's one of the many changes in life you have to deal with.
I'm really worried about a friend of mine. He is my best guy friend and usually he calls every few weeks and we check up on each other but I haven't talked to him since early May. I know he isn't at home... I think he has probably gotten himself into some trouble and the few people that know where he is, won't tell me... I wish I could just talk to him... but I can't. I miss him so much! Yes he drives me crazy some times cause he's so dramatic and NEVER thinks before he acts... but I've never met a better person, he has a good heart, that most people never see... but he is such a wonderful person... I just wish he would think about the consequences before he acted...
It's so weird when you think how much one decision can change your life, and others. We make so many decisions everyday, sometimes not realizing thier importance... but looking back, you see the impact they made.
Right now I am currently working at Pizza Classic and loving it... my bosses are so nice, I feel like I'm with family when I am working.
The missionaries and some friends are coming over so I ought to go... sorry it to so long to blog!!

Summer is almost here!

There is eight days left of school, and everyone is ready to get out. I like the end of the year cause everyone is in good spirit :) The heat is here too!! It is very hot, and I am VERY thankful we have a pool! I'm so excited! My sister is getting married in 2 weeks! It'll be fun to see family too. Well today is basically a free day at school, cause everyone is gone on a field trip except a few of us (literally!). So I haven't done anything all day! I watched The Blind Side first period, Avatar third period, and now we are watching The Blind Side fourth period. It should be a fun day! g2g cause alex wants to use the computer so ttyl!!

My life as it stands ... :)

Well, I got a 2nd job working at Rogers, a grocery store. I now work 6 days a week, Monday-Saturday. And boy is it tiring. but I know I need to get used to working and going to school, cause I'll have to do it in college, maybe if I get used to it now, it won't be as hard when I go to college. I currently got my ACT score up to a 26 composite score. I really need it to be around at least a 28 or higher. I think I can do that if I study pretty hard. I'm busy preparing for college, and trying to figure out where to go. I really want to go to BYUI, but Utah State looks pretty good to me too. I am also looking at Weber State, and Boise State, I want to see whats out there, so I know my options. I am currently in class watching the movie "UP" so I decided to update my life a bit. I also am not quite sure whether I want to be a spanish speaking pediatric oncologist nurse, an accountant, or something else. I really just want to be a mom, but I need to go to college, and be prepared for life you know. Now days you have to be prepared for everything, so thats why I need to get at least a Bachelors degree, so if my husband doesn't make enough, or if he loses his job, or if he dies, I will be able to support my family. Time flies so fast. I have less than a month left of my junior year, and then I'll be a senior. I know from now on time will be fast especially in my senior year, cause I'll be so busy with 2 jobs, and taking 3-4 AP classes, and one concurrent credit class. I'm glad I'll be busy though, cause thats what college will be like so I am glad I have the opportunity to get used to it while I'm still living with my parents. I wish everyone to have a fantastic day! :)

College, college, and more college!

I have literally 5 minutes before the bell rings for lunch... so sorry if its short. College stresses people out to much! It costs too much, and it's not like anyone actually has that much money so I don't see why its so high. Scholarships... whats up with colleges thinking everyone out there is smart?! Really after my hard work unless I get a 30 on my ACT, than I can kiss a full ride scholarship away, which I think is frankly dumb. I have a 4.0 GPA, and will graduate valedictorian, but unless I get a 30 or higher, I can't get a full ride scholarship. Whatever. Also since I want to go out of state for college if I go to Weber State, Utah State, or Boise State, I have to pay an arm and a leg to go there since I am not a resident. So unless I go to BYUI then I am screwed. I wanted to go to BYUI anyways but thought I would look at other schools, until I saw the prices for out of state tuition! and since I don't have a 30 on my ACT, I can't get a full ride scholarship to those schools. Luckily BYUI isn't the same g2g bell rang

My Sister Getting Married

Well, as many of you know, my sister Chantelle is getting married. This is so very exciting... but also heartbreaking. It's strange how something so good can also be sad. I am overjoyous about my sister getting married. It's like unreal to me because growing up we always talked about how we were going to do this and that when we grow up and get married. I feel as though my life has been swept out from under me. We grew up so fast! I don't know why it hit me so hard, or why I was so shocked. But I realized that our childhood is over. Chantelle is my best friend in the whole world.. I couldn't ask for a better sister. God knew that we would be perfect for each other. I guess I feel like Zach is stealing my sister. I know that sounds mean but thats how I feel. I know we will always be sisters but once she's married things will change, because she'll have him now. It's just another step in life, but I didn't realize that her getting married would be so hard for me. I've had her by my side since I was born. I've never been alone... ever.. until last may when she left for college and I felt as though she took a part of me with her. Still I pushed on knowing that she was just a phone call away.
I didn't know what alone really was until Chantelle left, and we moved to Hazen. I didn't realize how hard it would be to have no friends, and my sister gone... the one that i always talked too... knowing that even if I didn't have friends I would still have her so it would be ok. Now she is getting married and I am so happy for her I am so excited I literally screamed for like 5 minutes when she told me lol. I am happy that she found her soul mate.... it makes me realize more than anything that I am growing up too, I'll graduate next year and go to college and soon be in the same place as she is ... and though I've dreamed of this since I was a child... for once in my life I want it to slow down... but I can't time is always moving and life is always changing. Her wedding has brought me more happiness than I think I have ever felt in my whole life, and I am thankful for that. :)

My $50 bet....

Yes, me being me and always KNOWING that I'm right, made a $50 bet with my brother Alex last July. Just days after I broke up with my last boyfriend Jc, I fiercly told my whole family I wasn't going to date again until I went to college because High School boys are stupid. Alex seeing a golden opportunity said "Bet you $50 you will" and since I know I'm always right, I promised and bet $50 I wouldn't date anyone until I went to college. Well every time I talk to a guy Alex reminds me of our bet... I don't want to pay him $50 so I stay single. As time goes by this gets harder and harder to keep. Every guy that comes my way I tell them I'm not dating until college because I'm trying to focus on my academics and don't want to be distracted...
This has always worked before, until now. This one guy is determined that he will get me to go out with him. I've given him many excuses for why I can't date him including that I'd have to pay $50 to my brother... that doesn't phase him... he says he'll pay it. Well I'm in a rut now, cause I keep telling him I can't date him, and he keeps telling me he likes me and isn't giving up. He's so sweet, he makes me smile... but I don't like him... so now I have to show him my other side... My stubborn side he doesn't realize that I don't like him... and I feel horrible having to tell him this but I refuse to date someone who I don't like like that. I didn't even realize that I didn't like him until yesterday...
Oh well this is the life of a teenager and I only have a year and a half till college which sounds like a long time but time goes quickly for me since I stay busy. I'm sure the Lord has a plan for me I just don't know what he was thinking putting me in a town with no mormons and no friends. Everything I do I do for myself cause I know no one here cares which sucks but its alright cause I know that someday my faithfulness will pay off... I hope somewhere out there, there is a guy who is staying faithful and worthy just for me... and I'll find him someday :) Well I've gotta hope anyways...
As much trouble as my $50 bet has cost me... little did I know at the time... but it has helped me make the right choices so I thank my brother for challenging me... cause I refuse to let him win... so I know I'll stay clean and worthy and won't date... for some this would be really hard and most people couldn't do it but I know I can... I'm going to have a guy with me the rest of my life once I get married... So it doesn't hurt to enjoy my freedom while I have it! :) Guess I better go!

Love Ya! And thank you alex!

Happy Birthday Mother of 6!!!

To My Mama:

As most of you know, today is my Mama's birthday. So in honor of my lovely mother I'd like to tell her and the rest of you how special she is!
My mom is the best person I've ever met. She has the sweetest spirit and loves everyone! She never leaves anyone out and always has open arms. I am so proud to be her daughter. I know all of you would have chosen her to be your mother had she been able to have many more children, but 6 was all she could do... My mom is 40 today... but not really any older she still has the heart of a young lady. My mothers laugh is so contagious... when she laughs you laugh.. even if you're trying to be mad at her... you still laugh cause its so contagious.. My mother has a carefree spirit that most people don't get to see but she loves to have fun! She loves to sing and dance... though she rarely has time to... My Mama would do anything for her kids... she has already sacrificed so much! My mother is also VERY beautiful... partially cause she was born that way.. but also because her spirit shines through her so brightly. My mother is very understanding, and no matter what you've done she'll always understand and love you. I LOVE MY MOM WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL!!! Any of you who think she may be a bad mother are wrong... you obviously don't know anything about her. Being a mom is who she is, and I wouldn't trade her for anyone, any day. My mom is my hero. She has made me who I am today. She has taught me to love all and hate none. She has taught me not to judge, but to look for the best in everyone. She has taught me a love for the gospel, that I could only obtain through her example. She has taught me skills how to cook, and clean. She has taught me patience... she has raised and cared for me and brought me up perfectly. She has taught me how to be a mom, and I can only hope that someday when I have little ones of my own, that I can be at least half the mom, that she has been to me. I know why I chose her to be my mom... and I am so glad that I made that decision. My mom is my best friend. She doesn't know it but she is. I look up to her, and love it when I get to just talk with her about anything under the sun. My best days are when I get to be with my mom. I know when I am at my breaking point... that if I just spend one day at home with her... I'll feel better and have the strength to keep going. My mom is my hero and I love her more than she will ever know.
Mom, when you read this I hope you know how much you mean to me and how much you've blessed my life. And Always know that I Love You, and that your the Best Mom in the Whole Wide World!!! Thank You for everything!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Hey I'm in my free period right now so I thought I'd update you at school since our home computer is currently broken. Well I'm still taking Piano lessons from Sister Stotts and I'm getting better... I'm not so worried about scholarship applications anymore i figure I should just focus on my ACT score for now and I'll worry about scholarships next year. All through out high school I have been uder the assumption that since I try so hard to get good grades then I'll get a real good scholarship at college... But I have come to realize that this is not the case there are probably tons of people who apply to BYUI with wonderful grades and they obviously can't give scholarships to all of them. Therefore I am going to hope for the best but it won't shock me if i don't get any. I have also come to realize grades really aren't that important. Don't get me wrong I still have a 4.0 but I think A's and B's are good not just A's. For instance if I have a 93 instead of a 98 I'm not gonna freak out it's an A and thats good enough for me. I used to be obsessed with having close to perfect grades (High A's) But not anymore I'm just gonna do my best but still have fun :)
Prom is coming up and though last year i said i wouldn't go... I lied cause i want to go now! I'm actually pretty excited about it they go huge on prom here and its going to be lots of fun! i just have to find a drss that I like thats modest, or that I can make modest! :) No luck yet but I will find one eventually:).
Still no guy life but thats alright it doesn't bother me to much I know I'll get one eventually :P.
This summer I was planning to go to EFY but i changed my mind about that its just to expensive and it would probably be during Girls Camp. not that I'm planning on going to girls camp but just saying. i plan on getting my CNA this summer and getting a job at a nursing home come the new school year. Hopefully my plans will work out. I also plan on losing 15-25 pounds and getting a beautiful tan this summer.. hopefully that will work out too!
Well It's lunch time so g2g!
Hope everyone is doing well!
Write you next time I have a chance I promise! Love Ya!!

Why?

Well as usual I'm pretty busy... Haley my bestest friend in the whole wide world came over last weekend after super saturday and that was really fun! I am so glad God blessed me with her in my life! My life always feels like it just keeps going and going and I never get a break and alot of the time I don't even feel like it's my life I'm living but it is.... Right now I am pretty frustrated with one of my best friends... well he was one of my best friends anyways... I've tryed SOOOO hard to help him, I've spent more time talking to him then most other people in my life... I tryed to help him so hard for so long never giving up hoping that maybe just maybe I could make an impact for the better... but I didn't! He just gave up! I don't understand why he wouldn't try why he still doesn't want to ... why he won''t fight for it... it makes me so very angry cause I wish I could fight for him, and change his life for him... but I can't... I guess its so hard for me to understand because I don't give up for anything... its just part of who i am... I am a hardworker... so I have a hard time understanding why he keeps giving up... why he won't work for it... why he doesn't want to... The problem is that I am close with him so it hurts that he won't listen to me... its hard for me cause I KNOW that I am right but he just won't listen... I helped him fix his life just for him to throw it all away... I feel like I've lost a friend... he's certainly lost my trust sadly... Its just sucks that I've tryed so hard for so long to help someone who doesn't want my help... and frankly won't accept it... I hope someone somewhere can help him... cause I couldn't.... so I'll just go on with my life, I mean whatelse can I do? He doesn't want my help and I can't help him if he won't listen... So I'll pray that someone else somewhere can help him, cause I give up... I can't do this anymore... I guess thats all... just frustrated...

The Flood in Lonoke...

Well these are pictures of the flood in Lonoke about a week ago... The one of the blue car isn't good quality cause I was trying to use night vision cause it was dark but didn't really know how... lol I'll have to mess with my camera to figure out how to take pictures at night... the rest of the pictures were taken in the day time so they turned out fine. Anyways these floods are pretty bad eh? Just thought I'd show you cause It's pretty interesting to me :P