Well youth conference was amazing. I had the time of my life. I met a boy that rocked my world for the weekend... and the spirit there was so strong... there is nothing like 1300 LDS youth together for the weekend... it was an experience I know I'll never forget.
I guess going into my senior year has caused me to reflect on my life... the good and the bad. I think for the first time.. I understand why I am the way I am. This is a good thing because when I understand my faults I can change them and improve myself. I'll be 18 in exactly one month and I am coming up on my last year of high school, my last year in this house, my last year of my childhood. I want so bad to just have fun this last year... before I have to be an adult and pay bills and be responsible... I want to make memories this last year. The problem is... I have no one to make memories with.. My sister lives in Idaho... all my friends are in Conway... I have friends here but none of them are interested in actually hanging out with me ... they just want to be my friend at school. I don't have a boyfriend or anything like that... so my mission of having a blast my senior year, and making memories... doesn't look like it is going to happen. My senior year will most likely consist of Lots of homework and studdying from AP classes, work, college applications, scholarship applications, and my parents stressing me out about how I am going to pay for my school. Thats the story of my life though... it's never been about having fun and enjoying your childhood... it's always been about responsibillity... I think the word "Fun" and "Emily" were never meant to be put in the same sentence. Maybe thats the way God wanted it to be though... I mean he moved me to Hazen... so I guess even though I feel so boring and like I have no life... maybe it's just not my turn to have fun yet... maybe it never will be I don't really know... One thing I do know is that while I want my senior year to last... at the same time I want it to fly by so i can move out and be my own person. I hate being told what to do... I have my independence you know... and it drives me crazy that I'm still living in this house... still having to listen to my parents... I want to make my own rules and my own decisions... but I feel like my family is just a big circle closing in around me constantly... they act like I'm the worst person in the world... always disapppionting them... they don't realize what a good kid I am... all the teenagers I know don't listen to their parents... they talk back.. they aren't respectful... they don't care what their parents say or think about them... but I'm not like that at all. I obey my parents, I don't go behind their back, I try to do good in school so that I won't have to depend on them for college... I don't want them paying a dime. I respect my parents but most days it feels like a one way deal. Nothing in my life is private either... which might be ok for some people but for me it drives me insane because I'm a very private person and I like complete privacy... but I guess thats just part of being in a big family. Sorry for those that read my blog... it probab;y seems like I'm always complaing... I guess thats when I write though... My mom told me to get off the computer... shocker... I guess I'll write again when I get a chance.
2 months ago
3 comments:
Keep posting kid. Sara and I like to read what you have to say. Good to hear that youth conference was cool for you and that you met a boy. No surprise there... ;)
Senior year... I hate to say this but I'm glad it's over for me. I sometimes think it would be fun to go back and do a few things differently. Good luck with it. Sometimes it'll fly and sometimes it'll drag. Enjoy the ride!!
Emily.. You know I love you! And I will miss you so very very very much when you move away from me!!
Youth conference was cool :) the guy i met.. not so much. Lol I will do my absolute best to enjoy my senior year and make lots of memories!!
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