Emily

Dear Blog,
This week I have been overly sensitive. Idk why I just have been. I have been so stressed and frustrated. Tuesday was a perfect day. I had the opportunity to go to a devotional by Elder L. Tom Perry of the quorum of the twelve apostles. I don't think I have ever been so excited for something in my life. The devotional was amazing. I sat about 100 ft. away from him. I couldn't believe I was so lucky. He gave a wonderful speech on how we need to be prepared for this new year and the obstacles that might come from it. He told us how very important it was to have family traditions, as many as we could think of. He said many kids end up doing bad things because they are trying to feel like they are part of something. Elder Perry said that they should feel like they are part of something in their own family, therefore we must have many traditions, traditions in which we involve everyone. Have the kids be in charge of somethings. Make your kids feel like they are part of something in your family. The next day I went to the temple here in Rexburg. It was the first time for me to go here in Rexburg. The temple is soooo beautiful! It is soo big too! Compared to the temple in Memphis anyways. Then I came home and went grocery shopping. I finally rented the movie "The Help". I came home and watched it and bawled through half the movie. Once the movie ended I couldn't stop crying. It was ridiculus. I didn't know what had come over me. Finally I calmed myself down and said a quiet prayer thanking Heavenly Father that I wasn't alive when people were so utterly cruel to African Americans. Then I got myself prettied up to go country dancing. Me and Kayla headed over there and then Jake decided to come to. We missed most of the learning portion so I had no idea what I was doing. I tried hard but in the end made myself look like a fool. Everyone else there could dance like no other. Even Jake and Kayla could dance. I asked how they had learned these dances and they said from school and stake dances. I tried to explain to them how they didn't have dance classes at my school and that the dances are all nasty dancing. At stake dances you really only slow dance. I left that day determined to go home and youtube dances so I could do better next week. Thursday I was still really tired. I went to class and then came back. I did homework and such all day. I knew that Jake would be coming over that night so I made sure I looked ok and stayed up late waiting. His sister Kayla is one of my roommates so he comes over occasionally. Well at about 10 pm one of my friends comes bouncing in the door telling us she had gone to the mall and asking if Jake was here yet. Immediatley alarms went off in my head, why would she care if Jake was coming over? Apparently he was coming over to get his hair cut. His sister usually cuts his hair but my friends wanted to practice on guys hair so she was going to cut it. I know she doesn't mean it but she is the biggest flirt alive. The second he came over she started flirting. I could feel myself getting sadder and sadder as I listened to them talk. She laughed and giggled. Told him about her shopping that day, how she is taking modern dancing, how she made that scarf herself. I could tell Jake was highly impressed. Heck she is skinny, beautiful, musically talented, has perfectly white pearly teeth, can cook, and crochet. The list goes on and on. Suddenly I couldnt stop the tears from coming. The realization hit me that as long as there were girls like her in this world, I would never be able to get a guy as good as Jake. I couldn't remember the last time I cried that hard. I didn't grow up quilting with other Mormons. I don't know the Book of Mormon like the back of my hand. The list of perfect Mormon girl qualities that I don't have went on and on. It hurt my feelings so bad that even though my friend had at least 6 different guys she likes right now, she still flirted with the one guy I do like. I know she didn't mean too, or thats what I tell myself. It seems as though everytime he comes over she magically shows up too. She doesn't talk to me while she is there she just flirts. I know she isn't trying to hurt me, but she is hurting me. I wish we were friends like we used to be but she changed. I don't know what changed, but we don't talk like we used to. I was just going to cry myself to sleep but suddenly I got so strong willed. I wasn't about to let people walk over me. I have been waiting to come here my whole life, and I wasn't going to spend four years here wishing I was something else. I tried to repair the damage the tears had done to my face, then I walked out there. I casually entered the conversation. I got in a better mood. Not a happy one but I wasn't crying either so that was something. Before he left I told him I had 2 tickets to Celtic Nights for the following night and that if he didn't have anything to do, I think he would like it. He told me he would like to come. By Friday morning I was determined to learn how to crochet, and knit. I was determined to learn how to dance. I was determined to learn to be the person I have always wanted to be. I was determined to learn how to play the piano. The list goes on. Thankfully there is such a thing as youtube which will teach me how to crochet and knit. I will become worth something. I am not talented now but you just wait. One day I will be the best wife and mother that has ever walked this earth. Being a good mother, that is my biggest dream in life. That is the thing that matters most to me. Maybe I don't have the coolest talents in the world. But that doesn't mean I am a piece of crap. That just means that a guy is going to have to look past the surface to see who I am. Friday I gave plasma. I never want to give plasma again. I was shaking I was so scared. Then I got sick and almost passed out. It was a really unpleasant experience, and I can honestly say I couldn't have been happier to get out of there. I then went and took my first college test and got a 96. That just made my day. Then I came home and got ready for Celtic Nights. Jake and I left at 7. It was fenomenal I wished my family was there because I knew they would have just loved it. I was absolutely amazed by their talent. After Celtic Nights we went out for Ice Cream and then came back to my apartment. I showed him a few magic tricks and then we were just hanging out talking with my other roommates when what do you know my friend shows up with her date. All I wanted was one night, but it had to be topped off with her flirting with all the guys in the room at the same time. I wasn't that upset though. I was annoyed but thats about the extent. He left and I decided to hit the hay. Today I am determined to start to learn. I am doing laundry right now and then I am going to go practice piano. Oh and btw I think I might get a job at a call center! I hope so anyways!
Love Ya! - Emily