Emily

That awkward moment when you realize you aren't good enough for him. You wait your whole life for the opportunity to come to this school and be around other Mormons. You get so excited at all the prospects of being here. Then the world comes crashing down and you realize that it is not a school full of good return missionaries. There are many types of Mormons here. And the ones that you have waited for your whole life are either married or looking for someone better than you. You realize how crappy you are compared to many of the other girls. You didn't grow up a molly Mormon. You didn't wait till you were 16 to date. You have already had your first kiss. You don't know the book of mormon like the back of your hand. You can't braid in 12 different ways. You can't crochet, nit, and quilt. You aren't as innocent as everyone else. You are worldly compared to these other Mormon girls. These dream missionaries don't want someone as plain, boring and un-Mormon as me. I don't even reach the charts against these girls. So no matter how hard you try to be the best girl you can be, no matter how hard you try to impress them, or how hard you try to flirt without being to flirty. You will never get that guy. Because you aren't that girl he is looking for. I just want to cry because I feel like my hopes and dreams have been crushed. There are too many other girls to compete with. To many other girls who look nearly perfect. Who will be the perfect wives and mothers and relief society presidents. Tonight I am going to a dance, but why should I even go? I am afraid to flirt now. How can I if I know it ends in disappointment. I am not the perfect girl and I never will be. I can't get things out of my mouth the way I want to and I can't express myself without looking like an idiot. All I want to do is give up. But then where does that put me? No where thats where. I've never been able to get the good guys, so why do I still try? Shouldn't I have learned my lesson by now? I never learn.