As the days get closer to me leaving I find myself imagining how it'll be out there. I think to myself... I'm not going to be driving this big white van anymore. I'm not going to hear the chorus of my siblings singing in the background as I take a relaxing bath. I'm not going to have Alex calling me every few hours just to see what I'm doing. I won't have Zach asking eagerly if I'll be watching a movie in my room tonight and if so could he please watch it with me?! I won't watch me mom swim in my swimming suit bottoms, I won't see my dads sweaty red face come in the door after fiching. I won't be asked constantly by Brianna if she could please borrow my shorts for the millionth time. I won't walk into my room at the end of the night to find Jordan lounging on my bed with that big ole grin of his. I won't sleep with snuggles cuddled up in my arms. I won't walk into work to the people I love dearly... I won't be able to see Jc every weekend. I won't get waved at as I drive down the road. My whole life is about to change. In a way I am ready and in a way I'm not. My eyes have been opened and I've been changed here in these last few weeks...
I'm ready for this change, I'm ready to see the other side of the hill. At the same time part of me fears I won't be accepted in Idaho. I was made for the South, everyone here accepts me for who I am. They love me and try to help me in everyway. Living here these past 5 years has greatly boosted my self esteem. I've realized that what matters most is not your body image, the car you drive, or the amount of money you make. It's your attitude and the amount of service you do. It's the joy you find in the simple things. I don't have to go to a nice restraunt or a concert... I'd rather go to some lake in the middle of the night, take a swim, roast some starburts, and dry out under the vast universe of stars. Attitude is everything. This place called ARKANSAS... known to outsiders as HickVille, is the place where you will find love and acceptance. Its the place where everyone eats fried chicken and drinks sweet tea, and someones heart is always being blessed:). Southern Hospitallity. It's real. Come to this small Baptist town called Hazen. You'll meet tractors, preachers, and teachers. But above all you will find open arms, ready to help you if they can. I know Idaho is going to be a shock to my system. I'm going to have a hard time adjusting. But I am going to enjoy going to a singles ward and being around other members. I hope that I have an amazing time in Idaho... actually I know I will. I will be with my sister... I wouldn't choose any other person to live with. I love my sister so much, ALL of her. From her gas, to her flaring nostrils and flirtation. I even love her lack of patience and her infamous blonde moments. I have countless memories with that girl and I am psyched to make even more:) I really enjoy being around my brother-in-law. He is very logical and most often has an opinion. Most of all he makes my gorgeous sister happier than I knew was even possible. I trully hope someday I find someone who can make me light up the way she does when she is with him. I hope I can get a hold of a computer when I get to Idaho... might go to the library or something so I can update on my blog from time to time.
You know love is a controversial thing. Some believe its real and others don't. I believe in love. I love watching chik-fliks and I love reading romances, and I love watching people who are in love. I take in everything. I suppose I'm that little four year old girl hoping for a fairy tail. I have this dream guy in my head, someone who will not only love me... not my body... not my smarts... not my testimony... but ALL of me. I realize this includes all that I just said, however most only love part of me. I want someone to understand that I'm stubborn for a reason... that I have to have independance to function... I want someone to understand that I'm not perfect. I'm not the typical girl... I'm not even close. I suppose I dream that I'll find that guy who comes in and sweeps me off my feet... who treats me like a lady (the way my daddy taught me I deserved)... someone who I don't have to ask to read scriptures with me but who just naturally does. Someone who wants to be a father just as much as I want to be a mother. Someone who still encourages me to get my education. A man who servec a mission for the right reasons... because he loves the Lord and wants to share the gift of our Savior Jesus Christ and this Gospel with as many ppl as will listen. I want someone who doesn't tell me they will gladly help me lose weight, but someone who tells me that I am perfect the way I am. I want a man who will let me pursue my dreams... I know its crazy to think there is a guy out there with all that credential. In fact I know there isn't... but a part of me still hopes... I know they say you should write down a list of what matters most and try to find someone who has part or most of it. In honesty I don't even want to search anymore. I used to hope that there was a man out there trying hard to be good just like me... a man who lived in the light of Christ... I used to hope I would get a good guy like that. Then it hit me... who am I kidding. A good guy like that wants a good girl... not one like me. Not one who has only read the Book of Mormon cover to cover once... Not one who doesn't have a near perfect record... I'll admit that I've fallen many times, only to get up and fall again. Better yet if perchance a good guy really did have interest in me, I wouldn't feel good enough for him. So then my mind goes into a different mood and I start falling for someone who has maybe one or two things on my list... I start to love this person, and convince myself that they are good enough for me cause I love them. A few weeks ago it hit me though. I am a daughter of God, and a deserve a good man. And then I realize that even though all these guys are good enough, I don't want someone who is just good enough, I want someone who in my eyes is better than me. So then I am resolved to find this dream guy again and then it hits me... I'm still me. Many people are friendly with me, but few can get along with me well enough to actually be a real friend. If I can hardly make friends then how in the world will I ever find someone better than me to love me? And then the cycle continues. And I thats why I've resolved to not even try anymore. If I meet a guy great if I don't meet a guy then at least I won't be disappointed.
All guys aside, I am going to IDAHO!!!!!!!!! yes me. Emily Lynn Thompson is going to Idaho!!!! And I am going to do what I want with my life:)
2 months ago
3 comments:
You will be fine Emily :) Just keep your chin up and get your education and don't worry about boys till your at least 25! :) Love you and will miss you tons!
The main thing you need to worry about is staying close to your Heavenly Father. Everything else will happen when the time is right for it to happen (take that from someone who waited over 11 years of marriage for our family to start). It will happen in the Lords time. You will do great out there and you have family there who will love and support you and family here who will love and support you. I can't wait to hear all about all the fun you have in Idaho....eat some good potatoes for me!!! :)
Emily, you'll do great! Even though I loved BYU Utah, I'm glad you're going to Idaho. I think you'll be happier there. Provo is so full of vain people. It's frustrating for people like you and me.
A very wise, very old woman named Mary once told me to make three lists: 1) The goals that you want to accomplish in life. 2) The attributes that a husband needs to have in order to help you to accomplish those goals. 3) The attributes that YOU need to have to attract a man with the attributes in #2.
I'm pretty sure that I just got lucky when I married Nate, because I didn't really know what I was looking for or what was important, but the one thing that really stood out when I was dating him was that he's the most Christ-like person who I have ever known. I think that's pretty important. :)
Have fun out there! What an exciting new part of life! Enjoy it while it lasts!
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