Well I've graduated.  It wasn't as big a deal as everyone seems to make it.  I know everyone is super tired of me changing my mind about where to go to school... but what do you expect?  I am a women after all :-p.  So after much confusion and mixed feelings I finally turned to the Lord.  So this time my decision is for real.  I am going to BYU-I in January.  On June 24th I will be moving in with my older sister Chantelle.  I will be getting a job and working there until January.  I am pretty psyched about this change in my life.   It was quite honestly a quick decision, but definitely the right one.  As excited as I am about moving out, I am also a little scared.  I'm not going out there with much money, and I'm not quite sure yet how I am going to make it work but I am going to.  One thing I do know is that I have the Lord with me.  And nothing great starts out easy... so if it is really hard when I get out there I'm not going to give up... hard work and faith will get me somewhere... eventually.  I'm going to make it out all right so mom if you are reading this... then don't worry about me, I've always pushed through and I will this time too:)

Dear Blog,
Prom was last weekend. I got Prom Queen:) It was pretty exciting. I totally didn't expect it. I feel like I have no friends here, yet I got Prom Queen... It blows my mind honestly. I also got the Arkansas Academic Challenge Scholarship. It looks like I'll be staying in Arkansas for college... I'm feeling really good abut UCA which is funny cause I told myself I'd never go there. I've decided I'm going to be a Speech Pathologist for children. I'm dating Jc again. There is something about him that I can't help but love. no matter how much time goes by or how much I try not to love him... I can't not love. I'm happy when I'm with him so for now I am enjoying my time with him.. He knows me better than anyone and is always there for me. I could call him anytime of the night and he would listen to me. I feel pretty good about UCA for many reasons, mainly because they offer a major for Speech Pathology, not only will Haley and Jc be there but also Sarah, Jamie, and Megan. So while I would still be moving out, I would be with the people who are closest to me, and it wouldn't be so hard to move out. Most of them are always there for me, and expect me to be the best I can. I could maybe room with Jamie and that would be perfect cause she knows my standards and thinks they're awesome:P I've got 3 weeks left of school and am now realizing how close college really is for me. Thinks are starting to fall into place. Another thing about UCA is that the church is only a few blocks away so I wouldn't have to travel far. I feel better about UCA than I have felt about any of the other schools and I can go home anytime I want cause it's only an hour and a half away. Today I am happy. I am figuring things out one step at a time.
Love, Emily Lynn:)♥:)

Dear Blog,
This year I have been so confused. I lost all reasons for why I should even try anymore. I got so tired of failing. I got tired of being me. I got tired of trying and trying and trying. I realize now that I try for many reasons. Mainly I try for my future husband and for my future kids. They deserve the best, so I give my best. It looks as though I will be here in arkansas for at least the next year. This will probably be best. Despite the fact that I am 18 and can live on my own, even though I can get by, I am not ready to leave my parents nor my siblings. They mean the world to me. I'm not ready to get married either. So time is probably the best thing I can do for myself right now. Will i be the same person a year from now? I highly doubt that. Prom is this friday. I am pretty excited to go. I have a good dress that I really like, and my date is my one of my best friends. My brother is taking my other best friend:) I couldn't ask for more than to spend prom with my two best friends who just happen to be mormon, and my other best friend my brother:) I'm finally starting to see that my parents are trying to help me, not take away my freedom... funny how it took so long to realize this. I don't know where my life is going, I don't know when I'll get married, what degree I'll get, or when I'll be expecting my third child, but I do know this... my parents are gonna help me every step of the way. As for church, my primary class is going great, I am loving working with these little children, teaching them the simple doctrines of our church. I graduate May 20th, 2011. Thats in no time at all. It's crazy how sometimes it feels like you aren't moving fast enough, and other times it feels as though time flies too fast. Today I am glad that I am not alone. God gave me the best parents I could ask for. It took awhile for me to build up the trust, but I sure do love them, and I couldn't ask for more. Love, Emily Lynn♥

My Beautiful Sister Visits Me:)

My sister came down form Idaho!  I could not believe it when she got here. She just came out of no where!!! crazy I know!  Ah, I miss her so much!  I lover having her here.  I forgot how much I love having her around, having another girl around my age ya know.  She did my hair and it looks fabulous!  Today i got told I smelled like a white girl... I was like, I am a white girl!  Lol they said white girls always wear the same perfume. Anyways... life is good right now, I have senioritus BAD, I don't have any desire to do any school work :/  But I have every desire in the world to hang out with friends and have fun!  Currently I am interested in a boy named Patrick. He is really sweet.  My best friend in Hazen is Sarah.  And as always, my Best Friend For Eternity is HALEY!!!  I got my prom dress, which I love and cant wait till prom, but idk how ima do my hair yet... Well hope everyone is doing as well as I am :):):)

Well, I have some good news. I have been accepted to Brigham Young University, and I've decided to go. I may have to get a loan, but I know if I don't get out of here and do something with my life, then I never will. I can't take a year off cause that year will multiply into many. I am going to major in Education. I'm applying for various scholarships, and maybe I'll get one, maybe I won't. Either way, I'm going to lead my life the way I want to. My dad doesn't really want me to go there... but its my choice, and thats where I want to go. I am excited that I've figured out where I am going and in 5 months I will be in Provo, Utah starting as a freshman at BYU. Scary right!!!

Dear Blog,

I would love to tell you that I have finally figured EVERYTHING out... however its more like I have figured NOTHING out. Shocker? Not really. I have definitely decided to attend BYUI. BYU Provo has not accepted me yet, but if they do... my decision may be altered... who knows... I have not decided however, where I will be this summer. I may be here, or I may be in Idaho with Chantelle... idk yet. I really really really want to go to Canada for the reunion this summer... my family is not planning on going, but I may be able to go on my own. I'll have to get a passport though which is not cheap. Well it's decided. I will definitely be Valedictorian, now I just have to come up with a speech... I'm pretty much positive that no one will come to my graduation but thats ok, cause graduations are boring anyways. I'm still working at Pizza Classic, and I love it there... more over I love the people there. Well blog, thanks for listening, catch ya next time:)

I had an amazing trip to Idaho for Christmas and it really gave me a better view for what my choices are, it really showed me what my life could be like.  I greatly enjoyed spending time with my sister and brother-in-law.  My Aunt Tami took senior pictures for me, which I am eternally grateful for!  And I got to spend quality time with both my Grandma Harlow, and my Great Grandma Eggleston.  My teachers are enjoying assigning us tons of work, and though this may sound weird, I am trying to enjoy the work and really get into it because I know this is my last semester of high school ever.I have gotten so much schoolwork that my shoulders are bruised from my bag cause its so heavy... whats wrong with that picture?

  Last week I had a dear friend pass away and it effected me greatly.  This is the first death that has really gotten to me, and I miss him very much.  I have a hard time grasping the concept that I won't see him again in this life. I keep expecting him to come back, even though I know he won't.  Even though my life goes on the same as before, I have changed as a person.  I find my future to be on a thread right now and I don't know how it will end up.  I don't really know where I will go to college or what I will do with my life.  I do know that I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my future, and then James died and something inside me clicked and now I want to do something else, however I am not sure it is a good idea yet... I am praying that I'll find answers.  Meanwhile I am avidly applying for scholarships and hoping to get at least one of them.  As for my dear friend James, he felt like family to me, he was more family than I really got from any of my real family out there.  His death broke my heart and greatly impacted my work place.  He was the dishwasher at pizza classic.  He died the same week that Megan left to continue her college career.  We can't seem to get the atmosphere the same.  James was really a unique person, someone who changed lives... I know he changed mine.  He had a big heart, my life won't be the same without him.  He taught me so much, lessons I wouldn't have learned with out him and his niece Megan.  I move on and try to take life positively.  If not for myself, for him.  He always had a smile on his face, and he really taught me how to live life and enjoy it.  I choose to be positive in honor of James, I want to live my life in a way that will make him proud. 

Well, i can honestly say I am done with relationships for a while.  They are over-rated I think.  I finally got my application in for BYU and BYUI.  I really want to go to BYUI.  I want to go to Idaho.  I have senioritus BAD.  I can't wait to get out of here and live my life.  One week left until I go visit my dear sister chantelle, and let me tell you I can't wait!!!  Something about leaving for 2 weeks just makes me happy :) As excited as I am to graduate and move out and start college... it is a little weird to think I only have 5 months left of high school.  Living on my own will be a little different after being under my parents roof for 18 years.  I am independent so I am sure I will love living on my own... but I know ill miss my family and its constant chaos when its gone.  My sister found a husband in one year, but I highly doubt it'll be the same for me.  It'll probably be a lot longer for me cause I am not so trusting of guys.  I have 5 months left and then ill be a free women.   Can't wait to be on my own! 

Well we get this whole week off for thanksgiving break, and pizza classic is closed, and the car broke down.  So I get the whole week to spend with my family:)  I can't remember the last time I was home for a whole week, I am usually going, going, going ALL the time.  I am lost, I don't know what to do with all this time... crazy I know but its true... I am SOOOO excited to go visit my sister for christmas, 3 more weeks and then I will be in Idaho:) I will be there for 2 weeks and I am just so excited to get an escape from my own life and to be with my sister and some extended family.  I miss her so much, I get by fine without her, but I am more myself when she is around, I grew up with her by my side non-stop so it was weird when she left and for the first time my childhood companion was gone.  I am used to it now, but still miss her tons!!! I still haven't gotten my application in for BYU and BYUI... I have everything done except my eccliastical endorsement , I got my interviews finished and then found out you don't mail it in, your bishop/branch president are supposed to submit it online.  My branch president is currently in Wyoming for Thanksgiving so it looks like I won't get it turned in for at least a week.  The priority deadline is Dec. 1st.  It looks like I'll be cutting it close.  I fear that since it took me so long, that all the scholarships will be given out already.  I can't afford college.  I may have to get student loans... i don't want to but I'm not skipping my education.  My mom just got home and told me to do the dishes, and complained about the laundry not being put away and about some stuff on her bed.  I don't know why she hs to complain about us doing everything wrong.  I just spent all morning deep cleaning my room and she gets offended cause the dishes aren't done.  My whole life doesn't revolve around the house you know.  I have 2 weeks left of my last first semester of high school.  I am constantly working on college crap and my classes are hard and require a lot of work.  I have a job.  Why do you think my life doesn't revolve around the house?  Cause i have more pressing matters!  Whatever... why would my parents care if I am stressed all the time non-stop because I have to make so many important decisions in such a short amount of time. Whatever chores chores chores... thats all that matters apparently.

IDK.IDK.IDK.

I just spent the day at ASUBeebe.  We learned how to use college libraries and stuff like that.  Then our teacher went over our research papers.  It was fun to skip school and do something like this.  There are only 6 students in this class so it wasn't crowded or rowdy.
Right now I am really wishing I knew all the answers to my life right now.  There are so many decisions to make.  I feel like I am walking on a tight rope.  I know what I've always pictured my life would be like after high school... and then theres reality.  IDK where I am going from here, what I am going to do, which college I am going to... IDK anything right now other than my name.