My last Monday at Pizza Classic, and the boy who made it perfect:)

Today was interesting. I didn't want to get out of bed but thankfully I have a job, and that seemed to pull me out. It was a bittersweet morning. It was sad looking around knowing it was my last Monday at work. I think I had the hardest time with Terry Jo. I think I gave him like 5 hugs today. So honestly I was a little down this morning. Then a surprise came. Andi, my old southern country boyfriend stopped by. I went over to say hi thinking he was just getting lunch. Then he said "can I borrow you for... say 5 minutes?" I was like sure. He took me out to his truck and said I got something for you. He had brought me some tiger lilies (lilies are my favorite flower:)) and a very sweet note. He told me not to read it there but I wanted to read it in front of him. His note was the sweetest thing. I don't know how a guy can be so sweet but he is. He knew I was leaving next friday and offered to let me ride the tractor with him one last time. I told him I would definatley take him up on that offer:). Then we both went back to work. I found that through the remainder of the lunch rush I couldn't get that smile off my face. I don't know how he always does that but he does. It reminded me of back in the day when I used to date him how utterly happy I was. I fell asleep smiling back in those days. There is a feeling I felt with him that I have never felt with anyone else. I gave him a hug before I left and a part of me went back to the old days and didn't want to let go. Don't worry I let go but I had a feeling he felt the same. He is such a gentleman... A big part of me wants to just cancel the flight and stay here... but I know that I have to see what else is out there before I can trully be happy. After lunch I went home and it started pouring rain, most people would quickly run inside but I couldn't help but stay out and dance in the rain by myself. I knew there wasn't Arkansas rain in Idaho so I enjoyed the large drops of rain quickly soaking me. By the end of the day I was aggravated with one of my co-workers who just couldn't seem to get things right. For instance she got one persons order and then walked off to make the food and left the other person just standing there waiting to be helped... I was like who does that?! little things like that kept me on edge. Plus I haven't been feeling to well lately and I can't seem to fall asleep earlier than 1 or 2 in the morning each night. I think I'm nervous about leaving and saying goodbye to Hazen, and my family and friends. Tonight I am going to take some Melatonin and knock myself out. Even at the end of the night I am mystified as to why some country boy would stop by and give these beautiful flowers to this girl and make her feel like a princess one last time when he knows she is leaving... but I know the answer... because he is a good hearted man, and he cares. I've never really understood the whole someone else loving and caring for you thing... I mean believe it or not I have the hardest time believing someone cares about a stubborn girl like me... but this town here, the people here, have shown me what love and care really are. They have shown me how to live. I am trully grateful that got the chance to live in this little town:) I am grateful Andi cared enough to come see me today and show me that despite the fact that I did him wrong, and despite the fact that I'm leaving next friday, he still cares. He touched my heart with those 3 flowers and a note. Nothing fancy, but definately perfect. Thank you for showing me that there are guys out there who really are gentleman.:)

hmmm.... Arkansas, Idaho, family, friends, boys... pretty much the good stuff:p

As the days get closer to me leaving I find myself imagining how it'll be out there. I think to myself... I'm not going to be driving this big white van anymore. I'm not going to hear the chorus of my siblings singing in the background as I take a relaxing bath. I'm not going to have Alex calling me every few hours just to see what I'm doing. I won't have Zach asking eagerly if I'll be watching a movie in my room tonight and if so could he please watch it with me?! I won't watch me mom swim in my swimming suit bottoms, I won't see my dads sweaty red face come in the door after fiching. I won't be asked constantly by Brianna if she could please borrow my shorts for the millionth time. I won't walk into my room at the end of the night to find Jordan lounging on my bed with that big ole grin of his. I won't sleep with snuggles cuddled up in my arms. I won't walk into work to the people I love dearly... I won't be able to see Jc every weekend. I won't get waved at as I drive down the road. My whole life is about to change. In a way I am ready and in a way I'm not. My eyes have been opened and I've been changed here in these last few weeks...
I'm ready for this change, I'm ready to see the other side of the hill. At the same time part of me fears I won't be accepted in Idaho. I was made for the South, everyone here accepts me for who I am. They love me and try to help me in everyway. Living here these past 5 years has greatly boosted my self esteem. I've realized that what matters most is not your body image, the car you drive, or the amount of money you make. It's your attitude and the amount of service you do. It's the joy you find in the simple things. I don't have to go to a nice restraunt or a concert... I'd rather go to some lake in the middle of the night, take a swim, roast some starburts, and dry out under the vast universe of stars. Attitude is everything. This place called ARKANSAS... known to outsiders as HickVille, is the place where you will find love and acceptance. Its the place where everyone eats fried chicken and drinks sweet tea, and someones heart is always being blessed:). Southern Hospitallity. It's real. Come to this small Baptist town called Hazen. You'll meet tractors, preachers, and teachers. But above all you will find open arms, ready to help you if they can. I know Idaho is going to be a shock to my system. I'm going to have a hard time adjusting. But I am going to enjoy going to a singles ward and being around other members. I hope that I have an amazing time in Idaho... actually I know I will. I will be with my sister... I wouldn't choose any other person to live with. I love my sister so much, ALL of her. From her gas, to her flaring nostrils and flirtation. I even love her lack of patience and her infamous blonde moments. I have countless memories with that girl and I am psyched to make even more:) I really enjoy being around my brother-in-law. He is very logical and most often has an opinion. Most of all he makes my gorgeous sister happier than I knew was even possible. I trully hope someday I find someone who can make me light up the way she does when she is with him. I hope I can get a hold of a computer when I get to Idaho... might go to the library or something so I can update on my blog from time to time.
You know love is a controversial thing. Some believe its real and others don't. I believe in love. I love watching chik-fliks and I love reading romances, and I love watching people who are in love. I take in everything. I suppose I'm that little four year old girl hoping for a fairy tail. I have this dream guy in my head, someone who will not only love me... not my body... not my smarts... not my testimony... but ALL of me. I realize this includes all that I just said, however most only love part of me. I want someone to understand that I'm stubborn for a reason... that I have to have independance to function... I want someone to understand that I'm not perfect. I'm not the typical girl... I'm not even close. I suppose I dream that I'll find that guy who comes in and sweeps me off my feet... who treats me like a lady (the way my daddy taught me I deserved)... someone who I don't have to ask to read scriptures with me but who just naturally does. Someone who wants to be a father just as much as I want to be a mother. Someone who still encourages me to get my education. A man who servec a mission for the right reasons... because he loves the Lord and wants to share the gift of our Savior Jesus Christ and this Gospel with as many ppl as will listen. I want someone who doesn't tell me they will gladly help me lose weight, but someone who tells me that I am perfect the way I am. I want a man who will let me pursue my dreams... I know its crazy to think there is a guy out there with all that credential. In fact I know there isn't... but a part of me still hopes... I know they say you should write down a list of what matters most and try to find someone who has part or most of it. In honesty I don't even want to search anymore. I used to hope that there was a man out there trying hard to be good just like me... a man who lived in the light of Christ... I used to hope I would get a good guy like that. Then it hit me... who am I kidding. A good guy like that wants a good girl... not one like me. Not one who has only read the Book of Mormon cover to cover once... Not one who doesn't have a near perfect record... I'll admit that I've fallen many times, only to get up and fall again. Better yet if perchance a good guy really did have interest in me, I wouldn't feel good enough for him. So then my mind goes into a different mood and I start falling for someone who has maybe one or two things on my list... I start to love this person, and convince myself that they are good enough for me cause I love them. A few weeks ago it hit me though. I am a daughter of God, and a deserve a good man. And then I realize that even though all these guys are good enough, I don't want someone who is just good enough, I want someone who in my eyes is better than me. So then I am resolved to find this dream guy again and then it hits me... I'm still me. Many people are friendly with me, but few can get along with me well enough to actually be a real friend. If I can hardly make friends then how in the world will I ever find someone better than me to love me? And then the cycle continues. And I thats why I've resolved to not even try anymore. If I meet a guy great if I don't meet a guy then at least I won't be disappointed.
All guys aside, I am going to IDAHO!!!!!!!!! yes me. Emily Lynn Thompson is going to Idaho!!!! And I am going to do what I want with my life:)

2 weeks

I have 2 weeks until I move out to Idaho. Its a bitter sweet thing... I am so very excited to be on my own and have independence. I am excited to live my life for me instead of doing what everyone else wants me to do. I'm excited to get to be with my sister, its been far to long. I'm excited to see my extended family and I'm excited to be near other LDS members. When I go out there, I am going to work on straightening out my life and making it the one I want. I don't want to sleep in except maybe on Saturdays. I want to start walking. And caring for myself the way I should. I don't want my life to be settling for less, I want to make it all I can. I am going to miss my family and friends so much. I'm going to miss this small country town where everyone waves to everyone, everyone drinks sweet tea, eats fried chicken and is always blessing someones heart. I'm going to miss the southern hospitality. I'm going to miss my baby girl Snuggles. I fear that she wont be here when I get back... she is getting old and who knows how long she has... I don't know if she can last the heat this summer, and my parents won't let her inside hardly ever. She is my baby and I love her with every fiber of my being. I dread when I have to say goodbye to her... how can I say goodbye to someone who has always been there for me and who has helped me more times than I can count. How do I say goodbye when I know no one will care for her or love her like I do... It's the hardest thing for me to do... everyone else thinks she is just a dog but she has always been more than a dog. She is my baby. I've had her so long she is a part of me. She is just like me... I know there will never be another girl like my Snuggles. I pray that when I leave someone will take my place and love her and care for her like she deserves. That is the only way she will live longer... I don't want to lose her forever. I can't wait till the day when we are all in heaven and I don't have to worry about goodbyes anymore. I dearly hope that when Snuggles does pass on that my Great Grandma Thompson will watch over her until I get there... she is a Dog lover too. Well I'm going to go out with my Mama and get some lunch. I'm going to miss her too but at least I can still talk to her and I know she will still be living when I come back. Till next time... Emily

Well I've graduated.  It wasn't as big a deal as everyone seems to make it.  I know everyone is super tired of me changing my mind about where to go to school... but what do you expect?  I am a women after all :-p.  So after much confusion and mixed feelings I finally turned to the Lord.  So this time my decision is for real.  I am going to BYU-I in January.  On June 24th I will be moving in with my older sister Chantelle.  I will be getting a job and working there until January.  I am pretty psyched about this change in my life.   It was quite honestly a quick decision, but definitely the right one.  As excited as I am about moving out, I am also a little scared.  I'm not going out there with much money, and I'm not quite sure yet how I am going to make it work but I am going to.  One thing I do know is that I have the Lord with me.  And nothing great starts out easy... so if it is really hard when I get out there I'm not going to give up... hard work and faith will get me somewhere... eventually.  I'm going to make it out all right so mom if you are reading this... then don't worry about me, I've always pushed through and I will this time too:)

Dear Blog,
Prom was last weekend. I got Prom Queen:) It was pretty exciting. I totally didn't expect it. I feel like I have no friends here, yet I got Prom Queen... It blows my mind honestly. I also got the Arkansas Academic Challenge Scholarship. It looks like I'll be staying in Arkansas for college... I'm feeling really good abut UCA which is funny cause I told myself I'd never go there. I've decided I'm going to be a Speech Pathologist for children. I'm dating Jc again. There is something about him that I can't help but love. no matter how much time goes by or how much I try not to love him... I can't not love. I'm happy when I'm with him so for now I am enjoying my time with him.. He knows me better than anyone and is always there for me. I could call him anytime of the night and he would listen to me. I feel pretty good about UCA for many reasons, mainly because they offer a major for Speech Pathology, not only will Haley and Jc be there but also Sarah, Jamie, and Megan. So while I would still be moving out, I would be with the people who are closest to me, and it wouldn't be so hard to move out. Most of them are always there for me, and expect me to be the best I can. I could maybe room with Jamie and that would be perfect cause she knows my standards and thinks they're awesome:P I've got 3 weeks left of school and am now realizing how close college really is for me. Thinks are starting to fall into place. Another thing about UCA is that the church is only a few blocks away so I wouldn't have to travel far. I feel better about UCA than I have felt about any of the other schools and I can go home anytime I want cause it's only an hour and a half away. Today I am happy. I am figuring things out one step at a time.
Love, Emily Lynn:)♥:)

Dear Blog,
This year I have been so confused. I lost all reasons for why I should even try anymore. I got so tired of failing. I got tired of being me. I got tired of trying and trying and trying. I realize now that I try for many reasons. Mainly I try for my future husband and for my future kids. They deserve the best, so I give my best. It looks as though I will be here in arkansas for at least the next year. This will probably be best. Despite the fact that I am 18 and can live on my own, even though I can get by, I am not ready to leave my parents nor my siblings. They mean the world to me. I'm not ready to get married either. So time is probably the best thing I can do for myself right now. Will i be the same person a year from now? I highly doubt that. Prom is this friday. I am pretty excited to go. I have a good dress that I really like, and my date is my one of my best friends. My brother is taking my other best friend:) I couldn't ask for more than to spend prom with my two best friends who just happen to be mormon, and my other best friend my brother:) I'm finally starting to see that my parents are trying to help me, not take away my freedom... funny how it took so long to realize this. I don't know where my life is going, I don't know when I'll get married, what degree I'll get, or when I'll be expecting my third child, but I do know this... my parents are gonna help me every step of the way. As for church, my primary class is going great, I am loving working with these little children, teaching them the simple doctrines of our church. I graduate May 20th, 2011. Thats in no time at all. It's crazy how sometimes it feels like you aren't moving fast enough, and other times it feels as though time flies too fast. Today I am glad that I am not alone. God gave me the best parents I could ask for. It took awhile for me to build up the trust, but I sure do love them, and I couldn't ask for more. Love, Emily Lynn♥

My Beautiful Sister Visits Me:)

My sister came down form Idaho!  I could not believe it when she got here. She just came out of no where!!! crazy I know!  Ah, I miss her so much!  I lover having her here.  I forgot how much I love having her around, having another girl around my age ya know.  She did my hair and it looks fabulous!  Today i got told I smelled like a white girl... I was like, I am a white girl!  Lol they said white girls always wear the same perfume. Anyways... life is good right now, I have senioritus BAD, I don't have any desire to do any school work :/  But I have every desire in the world to hang out with friends and have fun!  Currently I am interested in a boy named Patrick. He is really sweet.  My best friend in Hazen is Sarah.  And as always, my Best Friend For Eternity is HALEY!!!  I got my prom dress, which I love and cant wait till prom, but idk how ima do my hair yet... Well hope everyone is doing as well as I am :):):)

Well, I have some good news. I have been accepted to Brigham Young University, and I've decided to go. I may have to get a loan, but I know if I don't get out of here and do something with my life, then I never will. I can't take a year off cause that year will multiply into many. I am going to major in Education. I'm applying for various scholarships, and maybe I'll get one, maybe I won't. Either way, I'm going to lead my life the way I want to. My dad doesn't really want me to go there... but its my choice, and thats where I want to go. I am excited that I've figured out where I am going and in 5 months I will be in Provo, Utah starting as a freshman at BYU. Scary right!!!

Dear Blog,

I would love to tell you that I have finally figured EVERYTHING out... however its more like I have figured NOTHING out. Shocker? Not really. I have definitely decided to attend BYUI. BYU Provo has not accepted me yet, but if they do... my decision may be altered... who knows... I have not decided however, where I will be this summer. I may be here, or I may be in Idaho with Chantelle... idk yet. I really really really want to go to Canada for the reunion this summer... my family is not planning on going, but I may be able to go on my own. I'll have to get a passport though which is not cheap. Well it's decided. I will definitely be Valedictorian, now I just have to come up with a speech... I'm pretty much positive that no one will come to my graduation but thats ok, cause graduations are boring anyways. I'm still working at Pizza Classic, and I love it there... more over I love the people there. Well blog, thanks for listening, catch ya next time:)

I had an amazing trip to Idaho for Christmas and it really gave me a better view for what my choices are, it really showed me what my life could be like.  I greatly enjoyed spending time with my sister and brother-in-law.  My Aunt Tami took senior pictures for me, which I am eternally grateful for!  And I got to spend quality time with both my Grandma Harlow, and my Great Grandma Eggleston.  My teachers are enjoying assigning us tons of work, and though this may sound weird, I am trying to enjoy the work and really get into it because I know this is my last semester of high school ever.I have gotten so much schoolwork that my shoulders are bruised from my bag cause its so heavy... whats wrong with that picture?

  Last week I had a dear friend pass away and it effected me greatly.  This is the first death that has really gotten to me, and I miss him very much.  I have a hard time grasping the concept that I won't see him again in this life. I keep expecting him to come back, even though I know he won't.  Even though my life goes on the same as before, I have changed as a person.  I find my future to be on a thread right now and I don't know how it will end up.  I don't really know where I will go to college or what I will do with my life.  I do know that I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my future, and then James died and something inside me clicked and now I want to do something else, however I am not sure it is a good idea yet... I am praying that I'll find answers.  Meanwhile I am avidly applying for scholarships and hoping to get at least one of them.  As for my dear friend James, he felt like family to me, he was more family than I really got from any of my real family out there.  His death broke my heart and greatly impacted my work place.  He was the dishwasher at pizza classic.  He died the same week that Megan left to continue her college career.  We can't seem to get the atmosphere the same.  James was really a unique person, someone who changed lives... I know he changed mine.  He had a big heart, my life won't be the same without him.  He taught me so much, lessons I wouldn't have learned with out him and his niece Megan.  I move on and try to take life positively.  If not for myself, for him.  He always had a smile on his face, and he really taught me how to live life and enjoy it.  I choose to be positive in honor of James, I want to live my life in a way that will make him proud.